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Soul, Self and Suffering

“A man has but one body, like a single cell. The soul is sick of this solid sheath. With ears, mouths, eyes the size of nickel coins, and skin scarred and diced, spread over the skeleton. ”I felt a void in me as I read these lines from Andrei Tarkovsky’s movie Mirror. As a child, I used to wonder about God, the soul, the body, enlightenment, and Nirvana. When I became older, these questions only came to me when I was in silence or in pain. In silence and in pain these questions whispered inside me, trying to ask me something more, telling me to run away and find Truth. It would ask me, "Aren't you tired of trying to fill the void?" I would hear it, then forget about it. Budda said, "Desires are the cause of suffering." Yet I always dig deep into them and try to fill the void, only to suffer from the outcome. And sometimes the outcome is good and it gives happiness; it feels as if the void is filled. That this is it. But in my heart, I know that it’s all fleeting. It’s all going towards nothingness, towards suffering. Again. Dreams and desires have a price called suffering. And I believe as I learn to bear my sufferings, I might come in contact with myself, and become more present. Here someday, I might find the Self I've always been seeking.

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